untitled (underwater drawing)

An automatic drawing with intuitive colors. In retrospect it is probably a sea creature from my unconscious, at least I want it to be such a thing. Right now I don’t know what that could mean.  Within art I am interested in not only in what is presented, spoken, or acted out, but also what is absent, the layer that we try to hide, our blind spots.

This is a drawing that derives from wanting to place pencil on paper and feel it’s surface, but it also becomes about meditation, self-esteem, controlling what I want to see, finding balance between internal and external environment.

I was sitting in a small mundane space passing time in order to receive money, although I would rather have been working somewhere better, but then there is always somewhere better and that is a never-ending cycle. I value new experiences even if they are uncomfortable at the time. I can only say this because I am having a good experience right now, writing this. I love the word “retrospect” because it is what life (I wonder if animals experience retrospect) is comprised of: experiencing, or sometimes avoiding experiencing something that we are afraid of, and then trying to forget, or trying to understand. Sometimes we think we have come to an understanding of something but we are just trying to cope with not understanding, but we desperately want people to think we understand. Sometimes we call it art.

Now everything I have just written was not planned out, but it was controlled and directed just like this drawing.